Let's start with my upbringing and past church life.
I was baptized when I was very young, and my parents took me to church every Sunday. When I was around 10 or 11 my mother took me to several different churches so I could see what other takes on Christianity existed. We went to a Church of Nazarene, a Presbyterian church, a Catholic church, a few others I don't remember, and finally, a Lutheran church. This became our family's church. When I was old enough, I began Communion, and I served as the acolyte. In middle school I went to a private Christian school, but went to a public high school becuause I was in the IB Program (International Baccalaureate Program). So basically, I was raised with a firm Christian upbringing.
But I always had questions. I always asked the "wrong" questions. For example, in 6th grade I asked if my pets and other animals go to heaven. My teacher said no, because they don't know Jesus. Now...I love animals...often more times than people...so this did not sit well with me. Not at all.
I asked other questions, deeper than just whether or not animals had souls, but if I went into that I'd run out of characters for this post.
I have lost many family members in my life. But none have been as painful as the loss of my Grandmother. She practically raised me more than half of my life. She was everything. When my parents fought with each other, or when they were upset with me...I turned to her for help. I never went to slumber parties with my friends, but I spent almost every single weekend at my Grandmother and Uncle's house growing up. My parents (and I'm sure I will regret saying this later) never really complimented me on anything. Nothing was ever good enough for them. But things were different with my Grandmother. She told me everyday how much she loved me, that she was proud of me, and that I was beautiful and intelligent. We had a tradition, every Thanksgiving and Christmas we would cook the meal for our family together. My Mother would cook the turkey/ham, and my Grandmother and I would make everything else. Then, after everyone ate, they would disperse throughout the house and it would be just me and her. We would talk for hours, until she and my Uncle had to go home.
But it's not like that anymore. Everything changed January 31, 2006. I am not the emotional/crying type of person...but I never cried as much as the day she left--and months after. I cried myself to sleep for an entire year. I would speak to her photo every morning and every night. I still have a photo of her in both the center of my bedroom at my parent's house, and in the middle of my apartment. I still tell her I miss her. I know this is silly, but every birthday since then, and for every birthday that I will have--I wish for her to come back, just for one day.
I apologize for the slight tangent, but I have to express how much she means to me for this to make sense.
So I had already had my doubts about religion starting in middle school. After the loss of my Grandmother, I threw out everything. At first I "prayed" telling God I hated him. Then the prayers just stopped. Then I started reading. Actually reading the Bible, word for word. I also started reading agnostic/atheist blogs on the internet.
Hopefully it's not too late to say this, but long story short: when I transferred to a new university, I joined the Atheist Student Alliance. Many people would be surprised to know that Atheists are actually not evil, mean Satan worshipers. We spend more time defending ourselves than sharing our point of view unfortunately.
I don't understand how people buy into Christianity when the Bible is full of such awful things. For example, Judges 19:1-20 tells of a story where a woman is raped all night long by "men of the city" and when she returns to her "master" he stabs her to death and then cuts her body into 12 pieces because she is a filthy, unclean whore now. That makes no sense! How can someone believe that such stories serve to teach morality and are products of divine wisdom. Unquestioning adherence to the Bible would only serve to make one a sociopath instead of a "good/ethical person". The next time I hear someone say there is no morality without the Bible, I will tell them to go read Judges 19:1-20.
From the website linked above: "The story, which must be one of the most disgusting stories ever told, ends with: "consider of it, take advice, and speak your mind." Those who do consider it will immediately reject the idea that the Bible is inspired by God. Hopefully, they then will speak their mind."
